Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
50% drunk capacity currently
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You've changed since you got that strap on
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
