just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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