I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
