Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
