my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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