you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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