Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
