Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
