you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
