I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
