You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
