And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
