Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I want her autograph on my taint
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
