I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
