: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
