Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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