biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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