His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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