everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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