Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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