I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
