I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
