I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
