Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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