My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
