hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
