The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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