My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
