Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I touched a dick in church today
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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