Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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