please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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