Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
