R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Be still, my beating vagina.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
