i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
