every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
