I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
