4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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