My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
