He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
