Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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