i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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