i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
