people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
