ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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