I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
