you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
