bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
