Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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