i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
