we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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