I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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