Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
