I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
