Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
