I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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