had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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