Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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