Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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