i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
