I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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