I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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