Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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