So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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