but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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