barbara walters just said penis...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
