I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
