just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
